Dating recent widowers
No matter what age you lose your significant other, if your spouse leaves you before you leave this earth, there is always a feeling that something is amiss. I don’t know what was worse, the anticipation on the way home of having the talk with them, or the look on their faces, especially my 12-year-old, who had just lost his best friend when I told them.
When you become a widower, it chases away all you thought life was going to be.
If you are ten minutes late, it is just ten minutes to you, but to someone who is immersed in fear and anxiety, their head has already pictured you lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Responsible for the fight or flight in our species, it is that feeling you get that makes you need to react.
You literally feel like you are going to jump out of your skin.
They would not like anyone because it just reminds them that their daughter/son is gone. When you promise to love someone until the day you die, the promise doesn’t end when they are gone. The person left here on earth is conflicted about where their heart should lie. There are also times when the pain is so great you wish that it had been you instead of them.
You feel guilty when you date someone else and feel as if you are disrespecting your ex’s memory. There is something guilt-provoking about being the survivor. Guilt is a very difficult thing to have follow you around until you find a way to forgive yourself or move on. If there are children that have been widowed too, it can be like a family unit bleeding in unison.
You remember all the wonderful things they did, all the good times you had together, and how no one else can ever be as fantastic as they were. When someone dies, things have a tendency to fall apart, and the ugly comes out.
It isn’t reality, but it is a way the brain works through the sadness. One of the hardest parts about losing Colin was not only losing him. That can leave complex issues in the wake, like a mother-in-law who thinks they are dating too quickly or didn’t do enough to help out.
You don’t remember how they left their socks on the floor, or how they drank too much. That meant redefining who I was, who my family was, and what I was going to do going forward.
On any given day they can be angry, sad, guilt-ridden, or have an enormous amount of relationship anxiety.
Never allowing themselves to become comfortable, you typically have no idea the things that lie underneath their smile. Just 34, we had four small children, and the youngest was only 12-months-old.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the way you look at it; that may be you.
[Read: 8 problems that will make your relationship stronger] #5 They idolize their ex.
A widower likely has been through the gamut of intense situations, especially in the case of prolonged illness, which exhausts the adrenal gland.